I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
