the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you didnt know i had herpes?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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