that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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