when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
