She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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