so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
