That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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