I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
