how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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