It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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