did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize