are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
