this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
