Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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