i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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