So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
