My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
