Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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