sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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