I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
