We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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