Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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