Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My ass is underappreciated
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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