; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
