Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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