Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
