I'm passing your future prison.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're like the curious george of whores
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
