Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
