I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize