I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
