He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
