I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
