Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
