Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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