At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
