She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
