Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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