Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
