I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
