At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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