as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
