Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
