is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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