lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
