i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
