i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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