so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
