Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
