i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up under a house in Key West
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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