Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
