i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
