whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
