dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my poor anus
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
