I can text with my tongue
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
