i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
