I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
