we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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