i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Randomize
