i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I believe in your delicious
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
