You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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