Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
