Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
