He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
