nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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