My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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