I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
