I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
