Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
false alarm, still single
Randomize