My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
