We won't sleep together?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
