I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
