You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
