The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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