I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
