are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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