We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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